Do You Have Anything To Say Now, Sasuke?
by Lucia-Theresa Horizon
Summary: Naruto thinks of a brilliant way to bring Sasuke back.


I don't own Naruto. Urg. What a shame. And please don't kill me for making a parody out of its characters.

* * *

As everyone knows, Sasuke and Naruto have a fierce tendency to argue over anything at anytime and anywhere. Which brings us to the bizarre situation at hand.

This is supposed to be their epic final showdown before it comes down to either Naruto dragging his former best friend's ass back home or Sasuke ending up killing the poor blond with a Chidori through the chest. This is supposed to involve punching, kicking, kunai clashing, Amaterasu-ing, Rasengan-ing and all that jazz.

This isn't supposed to include screaming lectures and shouting obscenities at each other's face. They are _seventeen_, not _thirteen_, for Kami's sake!

That's why Kakashi is having a really hard time deciding whether to stop the useless word fight and knock both of his students out like a light, or simply standing there and enjoying the show. Damn, he hasn't been this conflicted ever since Sasuke defected to Oto. Somehow Naruto and Sasuke always manage to amuse him.

"TEME! STOP THIS REVENGE SHIT RIGHT NOW! I'M PRETTY DARN SURE ITACHI IS TURNING IN HIS GRAVE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF HIS PRECIOUS LITTLE BROTHER'S ANTICS!"

Three guesses who just screamed the above sentence. Two don't count.

"Don't you dare talking about my aniki like THAT, UZUMAKI!"

Leave it to Sasuke to defend his brother after spending a good decade hating him.

"SO WHAT? ITACHI WOULD NEVER APPROVE OF YOU ATTACKING KONOHA, AND I WON'T LET YOU!"

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, DUMBASS? THE VILLAGE FUCKING KILLED HIM!"

"LAST TIME I CHECKED, IT WAS YOU WHO KILLED HIM, BASTARD!"

"AND WHO THE FUCK MADE HIM KILL OUR ENTIRE CLAN, DOBE?!"

"DANZO AND THE THIRD ARE DEAD, WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"WHAT I WANT? FINE! GIVE ME BACK MY BROTHER, MY MOTHER, MY FATHER, AND MAYBE I WOULD SPARE ALL OF YOU!"

Said outburst is, oddly enough, met with silence.

Even Sasuke is startled with how quiet Naruto suddenly becomes.

The wind blows.

And then a psychotic grin threatens to split Naruto's face in half.

"You know what, teme…" He begins. "I might as well just make this work."

Everyone's eyes, including Sasuke's, widen to the size of dinner plates.

Naruto's hands fly through a myriad of complex hand seals, and after what seems like an eternity, he slams his fist onto the hard ground below.

"EDO TENSEI!"

Sasuke's Kusanagi drops from his grip to the floor, and soon is followed by several jaws, including Kakashi's.

Since when did Naruto even learn that cursed technique?

Before they could begin to understand what is going on, three coffins appear out of nowhere behind Naruto, whose grin is growing larger by the second. _It fucking worked. It FUCKING WORKED! And it's my first time too! Hah, take THAT, teme!_ He cheers in his head as the coffins start to creak open, and three figures soon reveal themselves.

As expected, they are Itachi, Fugaku, and Mikoto Uchiha.

How the hell Naruto got around to how Sasuke's parents looked like forever remains a mystery.

But before that…

"… Naruto-kun? Sasuke?" Itachi's voice rings through the air, seemingly confused. Sasuke looks impossibly pale, but the attention towards him has ceased to exist.

Then Itachi sees the coffin around him and mentally groans. _Urg, not again…_ "Can anybody explain why I'm re-summoned from the death? Naruto-kun? And what have you done this time, foolish little brother?" He walks out of the body-sized wooden box, swirling red Sharingan narrowing dangerously. Fugaku and Mikoto, who are even more confused to see their sons already grown up, step out of their own coffins and look around suspiciously.

"Ehehe…" Naruto grins sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "Please don't get mad, Itachi. I just wanted Sasuke-teme to have his family back…"

"What do you mean by that?" Fugaku interrupts the conversation, arms crossed. "Last time I checked, there weren't this many people on Heavens. Care to fill me in, blond boy?"

While Naruto hurts his head trying to explain the situation to a fuming Itachi and a skeptical Fugaku, Mikoto – being the ever so caring and gentle mother she is – runs off to secure Sasuke into a bone-crushing bear hug.

"Sasuke-chan! I'm so glad to see you! Are you okay? Are you hurt?" She frantically searches Sasuke for injuries. "You're not hurt! Thank God!"

Sasuke is too shocked to utter anything. "Sasuke-chan? Why are you not answering your mother?" Mikoto waves her hand in front of her second son's deadly pale face, which is slowly turning purple.

Then he promptly faints with a loud "thud".

Needless to say, Mikoto is all over him.

Kakashi, having snapped out of his daze, watches the scene unfolding with amusement. Naruto is indeed the most unpredictable ninja ever in Konoha's history.

No, scratch that. He must be the most unpredictable ninja ever in the whole Five Nations' history.

It seems the task of bringing his wayward student back to the village has just gotten a lot easier. And more interesting. Seriously, why didn't Naruto think of this sooner? With that in mind, the copy nin jogs in the direction of Sasuke and his worried sick mother to restrain the boy while he is still unconscious.

It would be much better without Mikoto constantly nagging him about not hurting her dearest son in the process, though.

By the time he finishes tying Sasuke up, Naruto has done an excellent job accounting for his sudden decision to revive the three Uchiha's from the grave… which later results in Fugaku sighing repetitively at both his sons' foolishness and Itachi itching to give his own brother a sound beating, has Sasuke not been out like a light.

_It would be a pain in the ass if Tsunade makes a fuss about four very unstable Uchiha's staying in her village_, Naruto muses while they are traveling back to Konoha, _but it's damn well worth it_.

"Naruto?"

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei?"

"When did you learn Edo Tensei?"

"About that… I kinda ran into one of Orochimaru's scrolls in Sound six months ago…"

"And you took the time to study it?"

"Well, I did make some alteration because, what good would it be if the revived people lose their personalities?"

"… Naruto?"

"Uh… Yes?"

"Good job."

Naruto grins. _Do you have anything to say now, Sasuke?_


End file.
